Teaching Your Child to Love Others
I almost decided to change my topic for this newsletter. This one hurt my toes. My conscience was getting pricked. I am being convicted, even as I write this article. How can teaching your child to love others leave me feeling very uncomfortable?
Our children are growing up in a culture that is confusing, polarizing, difficult to navigate, and full of hardship and suffering that we can hardly fathom. Yet, God has called us, as disciple-makers within our homes, to teach our children how to love as Jesus loves.
If you were to ask me, “Do you love your neighbor?” I would, without hesitation, say, “Of course, I love my neighbor! What kind of Christian would I be if I didn’t?” But if the questioner continued, “But does your neighbor know that you love them?”—that’s where the “OUCH” starts!
Someone has said, “Love in secret is not really love at all.” At the end of the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus asked about the 3 men that saw the poor man who fell into the hands of the robbers. “Which of the three do you think proved to be a real neighbor?” The answer was “The one who showed mercy to the assaulted man.” Then Jesus said, “Go and do the same.” (Luke 10:25-37) Love must be an action.
The only way to teach our children how to love like Jesus is if WE are actively loving our neighbor, those around us, those that desperately need the love of our Heavenly Father. Our children can’t be just told to love those around them, they must be shown how to do just that. And in showing love to people around us—not just those we like, but even the “dis-likeables” or the “dis-agreeables” or the plain “unloveables”—we will effectively teach our kids how to love like Jesus loves.
Love with humility. The picture of the Gospel is not people opposing or arguing with one another. Recognizing the unifying and humbling factor that each of us needs Jesus to save us from the awfulness of sin will help us love people who believe differently than we do. So, as we are going and doing the actions of love, let’s challenge our kids to identify people they know who seem difficult to love and then encourage them to explain why they think this is. As they identify bad behaviors or actions they see, remind them that if it were not for Jesus, those same bad behaviors would be evident in our lives, as well. We must help them realize their own need for Jesus. Then, we can approach people with empathy and gentleness.
Help your child to recognize differences in what God says is true in His Word and what the world’s ideologies in our culture is saying. Loving a person and embracing their ideas are two different things. We are commanded to love people and show compassion, care and respect. Guide your child in conversations about how we can disagree with ideas that don’t align with God’s Word, but still show love to the people who hold those ideas. Loving others isn’t always easy, but a Christlike love means forgiving, accepting, and honoring others. Our ability to love others comes from God (I John 4:7).
Develop empathy. A child learns empathy through how you, as a guide and teacher, treat and interact with your child, those around you, and even in nature, God’s creation. Take time to genuinely understand someone’s emotional and thought world. As you teach kids to notice their own motives and intentions, help them see the worth and value of other people. Jesus was a noticer of the broken and unloved. Not only did He notice them, He found ways to build them up with genuinely encouraging words. He built them up with being patient with them, imperfections and all. He listened to them.
Teach your kids to be courageous in their love through grace and forgiveness toward others. Courage helps build self-confidence and the ability to stand alone when necessary, to do what is right without the approval and affirmation of others.
A question for self—do I and my spouse model this courageous and vulnerable love? Do our kids see it? Do our kids hear life-giving words coming out of our lips, building others up? Do they see conversations and relationships as invitations to show love or as inconveniences? Do you help your child to listen to others, to think about what others may be thinking and feeling?
Am I going to walk right past my neighbor, or am I going to get down with them and minister love to them, just as Jesus would do? That’s how to teach our kids to love others.
---Shari Coelho
Children’s Ministry Director, SRBC